Ironically Funny Friend Pillows

"Hey, where's Frank?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"...and in conclusion..."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"He's starting to flag a bit"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

A parrot business meeting

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Death reads a bedtime story.

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."