Ironically Funny Friend Gifts

"Hey, where's Frank?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

At the mobile tracking test lab.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"...and in conclusion..."

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"He's starting to flag a bit"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

A parrot business meeting

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Fido phones

Death reads a bedtime story.

Robinia Floribunda