Funny Friend Gifts

'Be home by eleven and stay away from earth!! All that place is good for is fighting and killing!!'

Fido phones

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"He's always complaining about our dog-breath, but after a boozy-night, he doesn't smell too good either in the morning..."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

10 K Tail-Chase

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

Bears going water skiing.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

Clown Happy Hour

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"...and in conclusion..."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."