Laugh-loving Friend Gifts

"George and I are getting a divorce, so we're dividing up our things. Keith, I got you."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

10 K Tail-Chase

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

Bears going water skiing.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"...and in conclusion..."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

Clown Happy Hour

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

Shall I be mother?

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

St Bernard with Cappucino, Espresso, and Latte.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'