Laugh-loving Friend Gifts

"George and I are getting a divorce, so we're dividing up our things. Keith, I got you."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

Bears going water skiing.

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

Clown Happy Hour

"...and in conclusion..."

"He's starting to flag a bit"

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

Shall I be mother?

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

St Bernard with Cappucino, Espresso, and Latte.