Friend Who Loves Jokes Gifts

A parrot business meeting

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"...and in conclusion..."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"He's starting to flag a bit"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Fido phones

Robinia Floribunda

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."