Laugh-inducing Friend Gifts

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

10 K Tail-Chase

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

Bears going water skiing.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"...and in conclusion..."

Clown Happy Hour

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

Shall I be mother?

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'