Funny Friends Gifts

'Yes,your feet are still there!'

"Well, I'm going to need you guys to line up in order of urgency. First the wine guy, then the plumber, and the the sock subscription guy."

The usual?

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

A parrot business meeting

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Fido phones

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Robinia Floribunda

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"You see, I told you it was worth the climb! Your first 'bird's eye view'. . ."

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

No, it doesn't come furnished.

"For calling in sick press two to have our psychic verify your condition."

Relate - man acts the clown to show fun still in marriage

I've got a gun.

'So what's all this I hear about you installing an interesting water feature in your garden?'

Walk the dog.