Humor Friends Gifts

'This must be the kitty litter aisle.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"...and in conclusion..."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"They're very time-sensitive."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

A parrot business meeting

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

Robinia Floribunda

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"

"Now where did I park my car?"