Humor Friends Gifts

'This must be the kitty litter aisle.'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"...and in conclusion..."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"They're very time-sensitive."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

A parrot business meeting

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

Fido phones

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Robinia Floribunda

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"