Friend With A Funny Dog Gifts

"Wagging his tail used to mean he wanted to go for a walk. Now it means he wants to get on the computer."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

Dog phrenology

Dog on balconey in city sniffing tree in pot

he used to belong to a cartoonist

Dog with toilet IV

"I yip, therefore I am."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

"What's that smell, girl? Is it spring?"

Fetching some fuel.

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"Oh, for Pete’s sake – it’s the ocean!"

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

'No need to shout.'

"Ever since I started reading the newspaper online, he's been bringing me my laptop."

'I'm worried about that dog's hearing,Doris.'

Dog's game

"The fragrance of the pines alloys so wonderfully with that dead carcass I'm about to roll in."

'Perhaps you'd like to explain this,'

"I hate it when he gets all Robin Williamsy."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

'You are what you eat.'