Udderly Hilarious Friend Gifts

"Don't leave me dangling!"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"Mum, please jump up and down . . . I feel like a milkshake."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Big man on Krampus

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Fido phones

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

Robinia Floribunda

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

No, it doesn't come furnished.

"I don't think I'm quite ready for Satan sings the blues!"

'I see you've met Butch.'

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

I've got a gun.

"Got milk?"

Devil Stove

"Hey, where's Frank?"

'No wonder it's so warm! Someone's been messing with the thermostat again!'

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

'MILK ME!'