Udderly Hilarious Friend T-Shirts

"Don't leave me dangling!"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"Mum, please jump up and down . . . I feel like a milkshake."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Big man on Krampus

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

Robinia Floribunda

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

'I see you've met Butch.'

"I don't think I'm quite ready for Satan sings the blues!"

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

I've got a gun.

"Hey, where's Frank?"

Devil Stove

'No wonder it's so warm! Someone's been messing with the thermostat again!'

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

'MILK ME!'

Optimist in Hell.