Udderly Funny Gifts

"Did we really need a company newsletter?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Cow writer.

"I could have sworn I had three sausages!"

"Mum, please jump up and down . . . I feel like a milkshake."

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

Who are you?

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"Don't leave me dangling!"

"It's perfect."

We never talk anymore, Lars. That's because it always ends the same way. You say, "Polly want a cracker." I give you a cracker. I try to shift the conversation to other topics, but you ask for another cracker again and again. 30 or 40 crackers later, you vomit and go to bed.

Lenny, the Fifth Wheel of the Apocalypse

"Got milk?"

'It's never an easy decision, but if you're looking for something economical, why don't you take a look at out value menu-er...Value model?'

'MILK ME!'

'I found out what's troubling me!'

I told you before, never call me on this number!

'May I see some photo ID?'

Cheese maker

"Congratulations on winning the milking contest."

Bar Code Cows.

'Oh wow, Gary Player, shake my hand,'

Don't get wet.

"I've had this sort of dragging feeling all day!"

Why Lemmings Rarely Make Detectives

"At least they got rid of that dreadful smell."

'Honestly, Barry, I'd love to go for a drink with you sometime...'

The kitchen at night.