Udderly Hilarious Humans Gifts

Bar Code Cows.

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"Mum, please jump up and down . . . I feel like a milkshake."

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

Newton discovers surrealism

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

'This is a first Mr Cowbird. You've contracted mad cow disase and the bird flu!'

Cow Pat Planning

Robot porn.

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

"I told you not to order the Zamboni."

"Don't leave me dangling!"

Eggs That Were Anagarms In Past Lives -'Unscramble Me'.

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

Sign on shop: Headquarters: 'Business People for Peace'. Man walks out of shop wearing t-shirt with slogan 'Make money not war'.

"This next arrow should shake things up a bit!"

"You see, I told you it was worth the climb! Your first 'bird's eye view'. . ."

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

Rudy, do you remember when I experimented with genetically engineered produce? Yeah. And I created an enormous evil zucchini. Yep. Why? No reason. Do you have a 12-foot paring knife? Uh-oh. Huge carrot! Run!

...and we guarantee the passage of time for the life of the watch!

The one thing that drives elephants wild is sickeningly sweet elevator music.

'You keep promising me you'll change, Reginald, but I haven't got all day!'

Walk the dog.

'Hip!'