Udderly Hilarious Gifts

'MILK ME!'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Cow writer.

"I could have sworn I had three sausages!"

"Mum, please jump up and down . . . I feel like a milkshake."

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

Who are you?

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"Don't leave me dangling!"

"It's perfect."

Lenny, the Fifth Wheel of the Apocalypse

We never talk anymore, Lars. That's because it always ends the same way. You say, "Polly want a cracker." I give you a cracker. I try to shift the conversation to other topics, but you ask for another cracker again and again. 30 or 40 crackers later, you vomit and go to bed.

'So where are you going?'

"Got milk?"

"Just make sure you tie it good and tight! We'll have that tooth out in no time!"

I told you before, never call me on this number!

Cheese maker

'I found out what's troubling me!'

'May I see some photo ID?'

Bar Code Cows.

'Oh wow, Gary Player, shake my hand,'

Don't get wet.

"Congratulations on winning the milking contest."

"Did we really need a company newsletter?"

Why Lemmings Rarely Make Detectives

The kitchen at night.

"I've had this sort of dragging feeling all day!"