Painfully Funny Friend Gifts

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Big man on Krampus

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

A parrot business meeting

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Fido phones

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Don't leave me dangling!"

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

Robinia Floribunda

'You're nuts! It isn't any hotter than usual so quit brining up global warming!'

'My boss took a pre-emtive strike... he fired me!'

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

"I don't think I'm quite ready for Satan sings the blues!"

No, it doesn't come furnished.

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

'I see you've met Butch.'

I've got a gun.

"It's Billy Graham ... he doesn't want to stop preaching!"

"Hey, where's Frank?"

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'