Devilishly Funny Friend Pillows

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'When they roast someone here, they're really roasted.'

"I don't think I'm quite ready for Satan sings the blues!"

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

:I suppose that's the coworker from Hell you've been telling me about.'

"These are selling like hot cakes! Ha-Ha-Ha!"

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

Bat out of Hell

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

Big man on Krampus

"Okay, come at me in a conga line."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Don't leave me dangling!"

Robinia Floribunda

'You're nuts! It isn't any hotter than usual so quit brining up global warming!'

No, it doesn't come furnished.

Chip off the old Anti-Christ.

'I'm commuting your sentence - We'll still cut your head off, but we won't carry it around on a pike.'

'This is why I had to pad my resume.'

'We've got the neighbours from hell.'

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

'I see you've met Butch.'

Summer in Hell

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

I've got a gun.