Fearfully Funny Friend Pillows

'I see you've met Butch.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Big man on Krampus

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Robinia Floribunda

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"Don't leave me dangling!"

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

'My boss took a pre-emtive strike... he fired me!'

"I don't think I'm quite ready for Satan sings the blues!"

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

'He seems to know when he's near the vets.'

I've got a gun.

Devil Stove

'Well, so much for Hennessey. ... But from now on, don't make anyone dribble too close to the piranha tank.'

"Hey, where's Frank?"

'No wonder it's so warm! Someone's been messing with the thermostat again!'

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'