Fearfully Funny Friend T-Shirts

'I see you've met Butch.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Big man on Krampus

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"Oh, stop self-stereotyping, woman!"

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Fido phones

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

Robinia Floribunda

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"Don't leave me dangling!"

'My boss took a pre-emtive strike... he fired me!'

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

"I don't think I'm quite ready for Satan sings the blues!"

No, it doesn't come furnished.

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

'He seems to know when he's near the vets.'

I've got a gun.

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

Devil Stove

'No wonder it's so warm! Someone's been messing with the thermostat again!'

"Hey, where's Frank?"

"It's Billy Graham ... he doesn't want to stop preaching!"