Comedic Partners Pillows

'Hello, George? Yes, have you seen my husband? I'm guessing he's in-between the couch cushions again.'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

Diving Cat.

Double Saxophone

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

"You lick, I'll dry."

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

Flying Ear Specialist

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

'We finally found a way to break the deadlock in our negotiations. I'll need a deck of cards and some poker chips.'

No, thank you, I brought my own bag.

Searching for condom.

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

"You bring the tequila, and I'll bring the Lyme."

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

Shelly and Marv took Most Hirsute Husband for the third year running with their sensational 'scrub the floor' routine.

"And FYI, Iggy has night terrors."

"I'm thinking of investing. Do you invest?"

"You don't need tech support. You have those on backwards."

"I forget now, but one of these buttons opens the chair back to full recline."

Deep Fat Fryer: 'Did you find the foot-spa, dear?'

"You know times are tough when a rugged voice saying 'We're all in this together' dubbed over footage of an SUV snaking down a mountain road is comforting."

'I threw my old t-shirt out and bought this for two quid.' - 'The stitching has come loose so I want to get a refund... but the bus fare into town will cost more than the refund.' - 'Now I'm stuck in a logical loop... and I'm chilly.'

"My doctor gave me the O.K. to go ahead and die during sex."