Comedy Companion Gifts

Zoology. Cheetahs can reach speeds up to sixty miles an hour! Amazing, and yet they never win!

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Stand-up Romcom

Diving Cat.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

Yoghurt man

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

Tony's dog always brought him to his slippers.

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"You don't have to like it; just acknowledge it."

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'Can't you just hand me a plastic worm?!'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'Hey, would you mind stirring your Ovaltine somewhere else?!'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'I read where scientists say King Tut had a clubfoot and his parents may have bee siblings.'

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

"I'm your hip replacement."

"You bring the tequila, and I'll bring the Lyme."

'Sorry I'm late: It's hard to keep track of time when you work in complete darkness...'

'Your father told you to look both ways when crossing a four lane highway?'

'What fresh hell is this? I just spent 50 grand on hair plugs.'

'It's no good telling me to eat my grees, Mum. You know I'm colour blind.'

Tantrum sex.

'Nothing to worry about, Dear, just a little accident on the information superhighway.'

'You always insist on having the last word.'

PETA