Ironic Romance Pillows

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

"The moon, the dinner, dancing. How could this night be more perfect?"

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"I'll have dessert first."

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

"You complete me."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

'Looks like a love affair gone bad.'

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

Gigolo Diary

"You'll find all the adult 'Dummies and Idiots' guide books in the children's section."

Success Without Effort

'Edna always wore rubber gloves while reading romance novels.'

"Marriage? Being my unidentified woman companion isn't enough?"

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

'Personally, I don't see what's so romantic about canoeing.'

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

"Animal Liberation by Peter Singer"

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

'I thought I'd just crease a few book spines while I catch up on my soaps.'

In Sickness And In Hell

"It's my wife. She understands me."

"Nah, not my type."

"An algorithm matched us as soul mates, and yet it can't suggest a movie we both want to watch."

Book: Reduced - Slightly Damaged

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

"I'm going to Princeton!"

"Really? And all this time I thought that was our song."

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

'How did you ever get a good conduct medal?'

'I belong to so many book clubs I no longer have time to read!'

'Seven billion people - and every one of them a potential purchaser of my book 'The Population Timebomb.''

'I love you, but I have to keep moving or I'll suffocate and die.'