Satirical Romance Pillows

"Really? And all this time I thought that was our song."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

His and Hers.

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

"Marry you? Why I wouldn't even vote to let you into my co-op."

"You caught it, you probe it."

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"I submit to the committee the document of your unfinished screenplay, is it your testimony today that you told your wife it would be finished by now?"

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

'Since we've been married thirty years, Lester, I think it's time to face up to the fact that we've been seeing too much of each other.'

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'