Interview Techniques Gifts

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'You made an excellent first impression, Fenstrom, but the second and third impressions nullified that first impressiom.'

'Will you stop saying 'touch wood'!'

"Are you an ambitious, dynamic go-getter?"

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

I'm a self-made man!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"