Interview Tips Gifts

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'You seem qualified. What concerns me is the car you're driving. It's not sending out the right message.'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."