Interview Tips Gifts

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"

"Job interview!"

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...