Interview Prep Gifts

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'You seem qualified. What concerns me is the car you're driving. It's not sending out the right message.'

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

"Your education in business and management is impressive, but I'm hesitant to put you in a leadership position now that I see you're a lemming."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"Clueless, malleable and not a boat-rocker - you'll go far."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

"I don't interview well."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

Really Good Careers: An Equal Opportunity Employer