Interview Preparation Pro Gifts

'I think all my previous employers found me merry.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."