Interview Prep Pro Gifts

'You're smart enough for the job, but your phone isn't.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

'You seem qualified. What concerns me is the car you're driving. It's not sending out the right message.'

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...