Interview Prep Master Gifts

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"Yes, confidence is something we look for in our employees,Mr. Wilson, but dress sense is important too."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."