Interview Preparation Guru Gifts

Personnel Dept - I see from your references you're a skilled man.

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"While you make the sales presentation, Monica. I'll scope out the room and try to identify this company's Achilles heel!"

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'Great visual support.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."