Interview Pros Gifts

"I see you have a master's degree and have served 73 unpaid internships. Do you think you're ready for a salaried job?'

'Well, your resume looks good and - my gosh - I've never seen someone so passionate about this line of work.'

I'll be ready for the job interview after I take this call, finish my breakfast sandwich and reheat my coffee.

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."