Interview Experts Gifts

"What is it about the firm's global presence that most appealed to you?"

We hadn't realised your body language was French....

"Your resume is excellent, except for your name, which is stupid."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

I'm a self-made man!

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Do you have any other skills?

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."