Interviewers Gifts

"Of course I've got good people skills what kind of stupid question is that?"

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"Any other skills?"

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

'We're looking for someone who either has a good background or can concoct a good story about one.'

'Your resume says you pay attention to detail, which I would find easier to buy if your fly wasn't unzipped.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Did I mention I work for peanuts?"

"My name? Is this a 'Gotcha' question?"

'We want someone who's willing to take risks.'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

What makes you think you'd make a good bouncer? My enthusiasm...I'm prepared to give anything a bash!

'I see from your resume, that on your last job you were salesperson of the month. Says here that you were given a plague. Do you feel better now?'

' I believe you'd both make fine additions to Nationwide Mobile Phone Technologies, so I'm leaving it up to whose ringtone I like better.'

"Miss Pritchard, send in a bucket of water!"

"Where do you see yourself in five thunderstorms?"

"The good news is that I remember you from high school. Unfortunately, that's also the bad news."

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the first interview."

"We're looking for someone just like you but with testicles."

"What do I bring to the company? I'm relentlessly cheerful and able to handle pressure."

"And if it helps, I contain no peanuts."

"You need to be flexible around here. How good are you at stretching the truth?"

'Tell me why you want to work here. Tell me why anyone would want to work here.'

'We do require human references, if possible!'

'OK, you've got good listening skills. There's no need to elaborate.'

I've always been fascinated in the manufacture of sproket head gears.

"Noel, what was it about your £20m divorce settlement that made you decide to get back with Oasis?"

'What's the use of being a Renaissance man if you can't multi-task?'

His goal of the toughest interview questions ever was technically a victory, but most considered it an example of not what to do.

'One final question...are you a cat person?'

'No problem. Intelligence, experience, and motivation are more important than species.'

"What other qualifications do you have besides mastering the art of playing 'We Have No Bananas' with your armpit?"

'Your r

"Keeping down twelve pints is rather impressive, Mr Bagley, but can you describe any other, rather more pertinent, strengths?"