Interviews Gifts

"Tell me about a time you identified a problem that others didn't see coming."

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'

'Yes, I received your resume that you emailed. I ran a fact check and I was wondering if you know that a half truth is a whole lie.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

'And today we're interviewing a long time and well known philanthropist...'

"I see you brought a stick. I'm impressed. You've done your homework."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

I like a manager who asks questions.

'About this reference of yours, he worked for me for sixteen years, and when he left I was very satisfied.'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We want someone who can multitask. During our interview I'd like you to fill out those forms and have a physical."

'Cat job interviews.'

"We're looking for people to fire."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Here's my r?sum?, or, as I like to call it, 'a series of unfortunate events.''

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

"Well, this is a reassuring note, Mr. Bonwell: 'No dolphins were killed in the preparation of this résumé.' "

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

A vampire's pet peeves.

'You're hired. Go figure.'

'We have an opening for a receptionist and a sales person and I'm ready to quit. How are you at multitasking?'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"The job will demand a touch of crazy, but no experience is necessary...we'll train you!"

'Sure I submitted somebody else's resum? - I'm the victim of a stolen identity.'

'So, tell me about your biggest weakness...for example, wanting to be paid money.'

Options Menu: Stall/Answer different question/Filibuster/Feign heart attack.

'The good news is that you look good. The bad news is that you're not as good as you look.'

Qualifications

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'So, you're looking for casual labour!'