Interview Experiences Gifts

Ted's confidence quickly fades.

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.