Job Interview Escapades Gifts

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

Do you have any other skills?

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

"We are extremely short-staffed here and you would need to be okay with that. For example I’m the janitor, but I also do interviews in between emptying trash cans."

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

"On the contrary. For this position we're looking for someone who can think 'inside the box'."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

'Sorry, but we need someone willing to evolve.'

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'This is a marketing position for 'Which?' magazine.'

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"