Interview Experience Gifts

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.