Interview Technique Gifts

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"