Interview Process Gifts

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'Sorry I'm late for my interview. There was a leaf on my driveway.'

'It's a very impressive resume. Unfortunately, at this company we find competence threatening.'

"Yours is a most impressive résumé, and you've scented it with beef."

"First time I've ever seen 'humdrum' in a job description."

"So, let me get this right. All the job involves is running around a track as fast as I can?"

'Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly'.

"I'm sorry, they said they needed someone with more hands on experience."

"How are you at doing jobs no one else wants to do?"

"We haven't decided yet but you're still in the running."

"That's very nice you're a cat person business pets employee boss."

'How fast can you hype?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

I'm a self-made man!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'