Interview Trainer Gifts

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

I'm a self-made man!

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'