Job Interview Coach Gifts

'I think I'm right for this job because I'm a real people person. Now are you going to hire me or not? I don't have all freakin' day!'

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"You seem to have plenty of confidence."

'Would you cart to explain this three page gap in your resume?'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"At this point in the interview, we like to turn things over to the job candidate, just to offer you one last, desperate opportunity to tell us what you think we want to hear!"

"I see from your resume that you lost your last job due to habitual lateness."

"Have you been convicted of a violent crime in the past 10 days?"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

How are you at decision making?

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

A very young man being hired as a groom.