Job Coaches Gifts

'Probably by the water cooler.'

'Actually, I'm between reigns right now.'

"Have you prepared any other questions apart from 'Where is the nearest restroom'?"

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

How leaders fail

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Work/Life Balance

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Any questions?"

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'