Workplace Coach Gifts

'We've got a high staff fluctuation, that's why it's not worth furnishing the offices.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

How leaders fail

Work/Life Balance

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"Any questions?"

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."