Organizational Coach Gifts

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'This is the most dysfunctional company I've ever seen. Everyone is in complete denial about the elephant in the boardroom!'

Running out of time

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

How leaders fail

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Any questions?"

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Personal conker trainer.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

The Other Cooperstown

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."