Management Coach Gifts

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

How leaders fail

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Work/Life Balance

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Any questions?"

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"