Job Coach Gifts

". . . So what's with bosses these days? It seems like I can never find a good one."

'So I looked at your Facebook page...oh man...there's no way you're getting this job!'

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Opp'y of a Lifetime

No Layoffs Next 200 Miles

'John, this is where you should declare your underlying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'Welcome aboard! Of course, we start downsizing tomorrow so you'll be the first to go.'

"You're desperate - I like that."

Laboral life

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

P.45 Collection Point - "Wasn't that the personnel dept?"

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

'I don't have a traditional resume, but I do have this DVD featuring me in a number of amusing office bloopers from my previous job.'

'You're nice, but I'll need to run your proposal by my attorney, accountant, web master,job coach and HMO.'

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

'You've got the flying reindeer, elves, and a cheery laugh - have you ever considered being Santa?'

"What's your occupation?"

"We'll give you a call if we lower our standards."

"Can we make this quick? I'm considering early retirement."

"Sure, I'm vicious, scary and down right tall, however my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!"

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

Job search

"Will you be staying in the area?"

"I don't interview well."

"I need a sounding board, Mr. Wiley. Could you be that?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"People call me a show-off, a con man, a nutcase, a lazybone...if you set great store by diversity, I'm your man!"

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

"I think we can take him off the shortlist."

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.

"He's very proud of the progress he's made..."

'Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly'.

"Besides currently being underpaid, over-worked, and having a crazy boss, why else did you apply?"