Interviewing Skills Gifts

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

'Am I left-brained or right-brained? I try to avoid politics entirely.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

I'm a self-made man!

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'