Interviewee Adventures Gifts

"I'll be frank - we offered it to Mario Cuomo first, but he turned it down."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.