Interview Enthusiasts Gifts

'Do you have any references that are still living?'

'Your resume says you pay attention to detail, which I would find easier to buy if your fly wasn't unzipped.'

"You did good on the true or false part of your application, but your essay was a little weak."

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"You resume would be a little more impressive if it wasn't in shorthand Ms Klink"

'Apart from skills, talent, qualifications, good looks, good health, ambitious drive and willingness to work for free, what else do you bring to the table?'

'All this job requires is some mud-wallowing and snarling... I'd say you're overqualified.'

To tell you the truth, I find it hard to be sympathetic for the plight of the beer vampire.

"You're the perfect man for our production test lab, sir!"

"If you're comfortable, shall we start the interview?"

"236 million deliveries in one night. When can you start?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

'You don't want the job, do you?'