Interview Aficionados Gifts

'Mentoring requires many sophisticates qualities and skills...'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

"I've always been extremely passionate about not starving to death."

Pegs Incorporated. We'll let you know.

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

'I'm sure you are proud of being a world record holder. But having 7,935 different employers in one month isn't something I'd put on my resume.'

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

"Are you a yes man or a no man?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

'He will observe your text now...'

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"