Interview Aficionados T-Shirts

'Mentoring requires many sophisticates qualities and skills...'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

"I've always been extremely passionate about not starving to death."

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

'I'm sure you are proud of being a world record holder. But having 7,935 different employers in one month isn't something I'd put on my resume.'

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

"Are you a yes man or a no man?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'He will observe your text now...'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'